My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
