Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
