ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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