Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
