her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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