I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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