remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
