I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
