You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
