Your dad touched me again.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
