I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We left the knife in your bed.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
