I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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