Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
