I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
