she kept yelling 'call me bella'
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Randomize
