My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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