no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
