I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
