You smell like stripper and shame
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
