We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
