I wish my penis had an off switch
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I want a musical about memes.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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