i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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