Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
