it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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