Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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