I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
