porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
