I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
