My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
