I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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