i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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