First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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