Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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