Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
