Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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