I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
