The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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