yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
