i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
