They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
