Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
