An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
