We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
