there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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