She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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