I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All the doctor said was why
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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