i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
