What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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