She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
