I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
