it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
