i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
