This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
