I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
