if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She bit a glass in half.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
